For Warren and Kwan.
“As much as we try to arm ourselves with all the necessary tools to avoid being surprised, no one is ever fully immune from the unexpected. When my mother was diagnosed with HIV in 1993, she planned as best she could for the day she would no longer be with us. She had her will drawn up, organized boxes filled with things she wanted me to have, and journaled so that the record of her thoughts could linger with me as I grew older without her.
But still, I was not prepared when my father grabbed my hand and said, mom’s gone.
Kwan’s readiness gave her agency for survival. I watched her carefully as she made herself an example for the world. She was not afraid to say she was a woman living with HIV. If anything, it was the fear of not being acknowledged that drove her to liberation. Her death in many ways taught me that love is transcendent–that it does not disappear once the body is gone. These words she left me on paper are a constant reminder: true love means to be centered, to be whole and to be loving to self and later to others.
In my heart I know that nothing lasts forever, and as Kwan’s daughter I spend most days documenting, collecting, and archiving in hopes to leave something beautiful behind. To be felt without touch. To be heard without sound. To be the best version of myself and acknowledge the triumph of survival. Being ready does not have to be an art, but it can be a gift. Use this gift wisely, share it often–for fear is only a fraction of love.”
Archival footage by Kenn Michael 1988-1993. Edited by Kia LaBeija. Music: Don’t Cry, Seal (I do not own the rights to this music, this is for non commercial use only).
prepare my heart had its world premier at Fotografiska New York in 2022, and was curated by Meredith Breech in collaboration with the artist. It is an on going project composed of photographs, self-portraits, archival images, ephemera, poetry and video installation.